She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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