A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Boobs are out for the taking
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
