Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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