I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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