all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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