wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize