An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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