you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
