Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
