She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My penis needs a shock collar
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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