remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
