Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
