i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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