Im at strip club and am horny
wanna go halves on a baby?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
