do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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