ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm bleeding and have questions
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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