guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
