and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
