We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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