im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize