I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize