Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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