ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
