Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
