her vagine was all disorganized.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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