i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
where are you?
Hypothermia
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
