Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize