sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
