OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
