I don't remember. Are we still dating?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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