Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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