I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
