I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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