he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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