in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
