we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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