it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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