honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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