they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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