i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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