I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize