So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
