she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
