I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
