We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
