i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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