Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
