yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize