There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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