Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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