dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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