Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize