Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
