I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
