When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
