I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
