I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
