Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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