Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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