When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
