I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize