two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
