She is in my trunk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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