So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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