I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize