my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
