Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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