Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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