New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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