he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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