I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
