the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
