Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
