I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
