biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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