She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
