omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
