So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
