I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize