We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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