You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
