dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
