You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
where am i from again
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
