OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
