i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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