Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
