I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
