Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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