Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
