he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
