You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
