I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
