i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
