I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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