alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
