Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The adults are the big ones right?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
