Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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