The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
