Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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