i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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