spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize