D3 body, D1 cock
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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