her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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