ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i will never coherently bang her
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
