I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
