Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
