When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
