It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
only if we run a train.
done.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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